When I’m Sixty-Four

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now,

Will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine?

If I'd been out 'til quarter to three, would you lock the door?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

When my dad called and said it was a girl I was devastated. There was no way I was having a sister. I didn’t want her. I begged them to take her back. Where was the brother they promised? My mamaw was staying with me and I remember she rocked me and told me it would be okay. They named the thing Judi and she told me that I would like Judi once they brought her home. As usual, she was right.

I was still mad when they came home but when they walked in with that tiny bundle I started to get over it pretty quick. What an anomaly! It was a tiny little person! It had little feet and hands and tiny fingers and toes on those miniature appendages! It cried, and loudly. And it didn’t smell very good.

She was always a tiny girl. She’s now tall and skinny. I wasn’t a tiny girl and still am not. And I’m not tall either. She has perfectly straight hair. Mine is naturally curly and I have to go to a lot of trouble to make it straight. Her hair and her eyes are brown. I looked like my parents with green eyes and dark hair. I’m pretty sure I told her more than once she was adopted.

When she was pretty young, maybe around two, she had to be in the hospital. Someone, either grandmother or my mom, or both, had read to us. She memorized the books and all the people in the hospital thought she was so smart because she could read at such a young age.

I remember one set of class pictures. First of all, neither of us were beauties because my mom had cut our bangs. When that happened, you often ended up with a half inch or so fringe at the top of your forehead because she would try to even things up and end up cutting all your bangs off. We had our hair rolled and curled. Mine would last ‘til the next washing. Judi’s fell out after a couple of hours. We had new hot pink dresses with white collars. We thought we looked pretty good despite the bad hair day. When we got the pictures back though, poor Judi had a little extra on her nose. Well, under to be exact. Of course, I found it hilarious! But really we should have all been outraged. Those teachers and picture people look at you, or should, before the ‘portrait’. Thank goodness there were no yearbooks at that time! But I know those pictures are still floating around somewhere!

When we stayed at grandmother’s house in the summer we had to help do the dishes. It never failed that as soon as we ate poor little Judi got a stomach ache or some such illness so she didn’t have to help. I had to help with the dishes regardless. She’d be playing and I swear she’d look at me with a grin like she’d won. And she had. She stands by that story today!

I could tell lots more stuff because I am the big sister and I know. And I’m mean like that. But I won’t. I can tell you though, that over the years Judi and I have become friends. There’s nobody dearer to me and I’d do anything for her.

Here we are and she has bangs!

Today is Judi’s birthday. And it might be a big one! But I’ll never tell. Well, maybe not. If I told how old she is she might tell how old I am! So happy birthday dear Judi! And when I’m sixty-four and you’re only…you may have your chance to get even for all those things I had to do as the elder sibling. Just don’t forget to feed me and don’t forget to need me. I’m smiling because you’re my sister. And I’m laughing because there is not a thing you can do about it!

I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone.

You can knit a sweater by the fireside, Sunday mornings, go for a ride.

Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

Knitayear is winding down. Now I’m wondering what I’ll do in its place, if anything! I will keep blogging. And I will keep knitting.

Birthday knitting for a friend. Blocking.

Close up of same.

Day 354, March 20, and I’m still recovering. Why do I feel the need to sit when all I’ve done is sit? It’s different when you can stretch out or move around I guess. Alan has to go back to Houston tomorrow. Yucko! I have to get a haircut so I didn’t offer to go with him! Ha ha. First things first I guess. I chose variegated turquoise cotton for the day. Day 355, Monday, March 21, is just another Monday. I will be adding some new job duties to what I already do. Funding issues for education have everyone nervous and just plain scared. I do get that haircut and feel so much better. I met a friend for Thai food. All in all it was a good day. Rosie was on the bed with me so I got to sleep until 3:45 before they wanted out. I picked a green and purple feather yarn. Day 356 is my sister’s birthday! It’s March 22 and she was born on this day 49, 50, several years ago! I hope she has a good day. It’s her turn! I choose a turquoise boucle for the day. Sometimes I imagine us in some kind of Golden Girls scenario. I wonder if we could do it? Sure we could, as long as she stays on her side of the house!

You'll be older too.

Ah, and if you say the word, I could stay with you.

Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

Who Are You?

I really wanna know,
Tell me, who are you?
'Cause I really wanna know…

Have you ever heard of Sybil? It’s a true story about a girl who played host to about sixteen separate and distinct personalities. Hers was a mental disorder, the result of child abuse. Eventually, with a lot of therapy, she recovered. Sometimes I feel like Sybil. But it’s not all in my head. I have a lot of different roles. I am a wife, mother, Mamye, daughter, sister, friend, enemy, coworker and employee. It’s just what females do.

How does the saying go? It’s easier to ask forgiveness instead of permission? I’m a fairly independent person. I like to be able to do what I need to do without having to ask permission. That doesn’t mean I just do what I want all the time! Unless it’s really important, I make my own decisions.

When I am the wife I am part of a partnership. We are empty nesters now and have had to make some adjustments. We both travel for work quite a lot. So, to ease the transition, Junior came to live with us. He keeps the one not traveling, company. He’s become one of the family. He’s just another kid!

When I’m the mother my name is “mom”. I think I did okay. But if you ask the kids you may get a completely different opinion. I admit I missed some important things because of work. I regret it but it’s done so I can’t dwell on it. I worked so they could have some things they might not have had otherwise. I hope they know that I’m here for them and always have been and that I support them in everything they do or would like to do. The kids are great. They are all self sufficient and have a good work ethic. They are all intelligent. I may or may not have influenced any of that but they all turned out okay.

When I’m Mamye, or Mames, as it’s sometimes shortened to, I can do no wrong! The little guys are happy to see me, any and every time. I’m the one who has the surprises. I’m the one who will let them do what mom and dad won’t. I’m fun and I’m not mean. I don’t get mad at them and they don’t get mad at me. I’m their “best friend!” I don’t let them run wild. They just think I let them do whatever they want. Power of suggestion! It’s one of my favorite times.

As a daughter I tried hard not to be a disappointment to my parents. I did the best I could and when I didn’t it wasn’t advertised. I wasn’t perfect, by any means. But I didn’t see any sense in broadcasting the things that weren’t my best ideas!

Being a sister might be one of my weakest areas. I’m not easy to get close to. I’m the big sister. My sister is 3 years younger than me and my brother is 9 years younger. I was gone when she was in high school and almost the whole time my brother was growing up. I didn’t get to know him very well at all. We are all fairly close now, though, so I guess it turned out okay.

I can be a good friend, even though I have very few ‘close’ friends. One of my dearest friends I haven’t seen or talked to in years. I have another treasured friend I do keep up with, although I don’t get to see her much. I’m a good listener and want to be there for them, should they ever need me. I know they are there for me. I have a lot of casual friends, even though most of them live far away. Maybe it’s better that way because if they really got to know me they might not even like me!

I make a very good enemy. If I don’t like you there will be no doubt. I do like most people, though, and give them the benefit of the doubt. But one time betrayed or crossed, well, that might be the only time there is. I don’t have any use for people who lie to me or backstab or walk on me. My mother is one of those who let people do things to her and use her. I watched for years and decided long ago I wasn’t going to be that way. I detest confrontation, but if push comes to shove, I’ll do it.

I can be a good coworker, as long as the backstabbing office politics don’t come into play. I’m glad to help and I can work with most anyone. The key word is with. When people want to work against me rather than with me, I’m done. That doesn’t mean I won’t work with people I don’t care for. It just means if I have a choice, they won’t be chosen. I am a team player but I do believe the team captain needs to play fair. If things aren’t fair I’d just as soon work alone. I do have a good sense of responsibility and will get things done regardless of the situation.

I’m a good employee. People are lucky to have me work for them! Treated fairly, I will give them my all. In fact, it’s a fault. I spent way too many hours at work, to the expense of my family. It’s too late now, but if I had it to do again it would be different. I’d make sure my family came first, and then I’d take care of work. Your family is always going to be there. You’re just an employee when it comes to work. And you’re a dispensable employee that can always be replaced, at that.

It’s interesting how people think of themselves versus how others see them. I’ve been told I’m cold, mean, and conceited. And I’ve also been told I’m nice, friendly, smart, and will help anyone. I think I can be all of those things, depending on the situation. So…who am I? As old as I am, I’m still not sure I know.

Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?

Whoever I am knitting is part of it. Or doing something with yarn or with my hands. It’s the fall strip of the knitayear, day 184, but a brand new section. October 1, starts it and it’s a day off for me. I don’t want to go out of the house. It’s like I’ve just withdrawn and I’m perfectly happy with it. I chose yarn that is thick and thin in texture and green, orange and gold in color. It’s pretty, I like it, and that’s what I wanted to use today. October 2, day 185, I felt so much better. I guess I needed alone time. I’m comforted and ready to get back out. It’s haircut day and that in itself is comforting! I picked yarn that is a red, yellow and blue twist. It reminds me of autumn. Sunday, day 186, is October 3. It’s a day of rest and I am slack, doing not much of anything. I picked blue/green wool, because it’s peaceful and that’s how I was today too. Day 187, Monday, October 4 is a hectic day. I am fully engaged in all three things I’m trying to do at once! I’m getting ready for the big training tomorrow and it’s nerve wracking. Pink and green ribbon, really pale colors that blend together well is what I picked for today. Day 188 is October 5. I have the day off and go to Seminole, then on to Lubbock. We meet mom and Judi and go to a cooking show and have a great time. It’s a fun day, but I’m still anxious for the workshop. I choose a light orange wool. It’s reassuring for some reason. Tomorrow is going to be a long day and we are getting back late but the night was really fun. I enjoyed visiting with my family and hope to get to do it more often. It’s all part of who I am, whoever that may be.

Tell me, who are you?
Who are you? Who, who, who, who?
'Cause I really wanna know.